Growing up I had a healthy mindset towards food and my family lived an active life. It was not until my jr. year in high school that my health journey changed. My jr year I was playing soccer for my high school team. I loved soccer and found some of my worth in it because I was always told I was good at it. Until my coach told me I was not fast enough because I didn’t have the “body type” for this sport. That devastated me and that’s when I started to develop an eating disorder. I thought if I could lose weight I would be faster and I would have the right body type to play the sport I loved! 

So I would work out as much as I could and I would really limit what I was eating. Some days I wouldn’t eat at all. I was losing weight but I didn’t have much fat to lose. I was losing muscle and energy. It affected my performance and behavior. I ended up quitting that team because I was no longer enjoying what I did.

 I continued to struggle with my body image and food for 3 to 4 years after that. I was feeling shame for things I didn’t need to feel shame for. I felt ashamed of my body because I was told it was not good enough by someone I was trying to impress/please. I was too tall and I had thunder thighs. I was not a lean typical soccer body type which made me feel like I was not good enough. This is the way God created me but yet I felt shame for how I looked. Carrying that shame with me affected everything in my life. That shame affected my confidence, I was more emotional, I hated eating in front of people so I would avoid social settings that involved food and I had a harder time coping with issues in my life. 

College is when God drew me back in and showed me that I didn’t need to be ashamed of my body or for eating. I forgave that coach and forgave myself. That’s when food became more enjoyable and I really started to get into cooking and exercising for fun!