Since 4th of July was the most recent holiday, it seems fitting to reflect on FREEDOM. 

Freedom is truly a privilege and the reminder it is also a choice. 

Reflecting back on my own struggle with a binge eating disorder, it was a daily choice to choose freedom. I realized this was an internal battle against how I perceived my true worth, my body image. What I ate was a piece of that struggle. I could attempt to control my diet in order to change how I saw myself.  

The most frustrating piece of having an eating disorder is that food is involved with the majority of social events. I remember feeling so overwhelmed and anxious, especially going to potlucks and parties. I felt out of control and knew once I gave into something sweet that I couldn’t hold back. I would often overeat at these events leaving with an uncomfortably full belly of guilt. My mind would repeat the same script, shouldn’t have eaten that ______, now blew the calorie limit for the day so can’t eat anything else. This would trigger the cycle again of eating too much, then starve myself the following day and hope I would lose that pound I had gained. 

My binge eating in many ways was idolizing myself too much. I was so fixated and stressed about what I would eat and not eat most days that I would lose out on intentional time with my friends. 

My relationships were robbed because of my focus on self and that is why I am warning you to assess how much time you spend thinking about your control of your diet vs your friends/family members. 

The other scenario, would be when I was fully focused on just showing up and intentional with who I talked with, this allowed me to eat slower as I interacted with friends and family. Eating slower and enjoying the interactions, allowed my brain and stomach to be in sync and reach peak satiety levels. These were the days I felt satisfied and my heart full of gratitude. The script in my head was this PROMISE of FREEDOM, that food actually was enjoyable, especially when I was focused on the people around me. 

Hebrews 12:1: Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

Returning to this scripture, I believe gets to our purpose in desiring to be set free which I remember craving FREEDOM from my binge eating disorder. I had to learn that surrendering my control was key.The definition of  Surrender is “the relinquishment of control over a territory, to give oneself up” This is why it took me so long to get over my binge eating disorder because I was not willing to surrender this behavior or desire to control. I failed to trust God and too often went to my own self to try and fix it.

 Surrender should be a one time deal–In the scenario of a battle, once you surrender there is no going back, you have to let go. If you could see my prayer journals all throughout college, I would start with God. Please help me not overeat, please help me be disciplined, please help me… This is not a heart of surrender but of desperation. My entire focus was to lose this weight and I was so fixated on losing the weight and controlling this part of my life, of course I failed. 

The key thing I learned is how dangerous and easy we can spend too much time on self. If all you are spending time during your prayers is your problems, then your faith in God is too small. The days I would lift that veil to pray more for my friends, my family, coworkers and world events were the days I felt a bigger goal and awakened to my selfishness. 

God wants us to have repentant hearts and that is a daily struggle being human and doing the things we don’t want to do. Repentance allows us to readjust, reprioritize our goals and align our hearts to God’s will. 

The choice to surrender is the first step is choosing freedom. Allowing you to be set free with the full assurance that Christ has the victory! When you make the bold statement to surrender, make sure you truly let go. Repentance is the part of that surrender process to keep us humble and remind us how far we have come. 

I encourage you to reflect and be encouraged by the scriptures below to remind yourself to SURRENDER once and for all! Freedom is closer than you think when you remind yourself it is a DAILY choice. 

I look back to when I started graduate school(2020), that same stress and pressure I experienced in college returned. Procrastination makes the soul hungry and so there was a moment when I went to the pantry with the desire to binge eat, but then I realized, I no longer wanted this to be part of my life any longer. At that point, I had not binged in months and knew what that freedom felt like and decided I would not go back to that behavior. Instead, I went outside for a 10 minute walk and that shift was enough to motivate me to refocus on the task I had to accomplish. 

Fast forward, three years later I have been sober from that disorder and hope that this anthem of freedom will encourage you to press on and run your race! 

So, since today is a new day, I tell you to choose freedom!

Psalm 51:10: Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

Hebrews 10:22: Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.

Isaiah 49: 8 “I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation”